My eyes look green, right? Haha. My eyes are a greenish gray. I wish they were a beautiful bright green. Agh well. Off to class. Lmao. #class #classy #fashion #wiwt #ootd #makeup #eyes #glam #bling #sparkle #green #brunette #chic #morning #jewelry #style
Life University isn’t far from me!
Life University is very far from me. Like all the way down the coast. Haha. I didn’t put a raffle ticket in for that because I wanted to go there. It was just there and it seemed like a useful item haha
What year are you? Are you studying for the ACS cumulative exam? If so, I am too haha we can commiserate.
I’m a freshman. But my college doesn’t do a cumulative exam like that. It’s just on this semester. But obviously you have to know some things from last semester, as well. It also tends not to be multiple choice haha.
I got some work done this weekend. All of the chem I planned to. Nothing else, really. I studied for bio with Paul, but otherwise nothing. I focused a lot on the chem work. So in that sense it’s not bad. But… I need to get ALL of these things done, you know? I need to start timing myself to see how long it takes to get certain types of work done so I can plan better. I usually plan everything by evenly dispersing the work across the time but… I mean… Things still don’t get done…
Well. Anyone have suggestions? I feel like part of my not getting everything done is my distractibility. But Idk. I mean… How do other people get so much done but still go hang out with their friends and relax? I just… Sigh.
(I can’t turn on answers on my iPad so you could comment or fan mail if you like. :P)
Won some stuff today at the Pre-Health Society meeting. I think the paper bags for the raffle tickets were mixed up because I’m not going for dental school. I guess I’ll sell it, haha. But I love the other stuff! #health #medicine #premed #prizes #winner #books #bag #shirt #club #nerd #picstitch
“Melissa, you always look spectacular!”
— Male RA I don’t know
Apparently the girl RA that was in the office there actually said that while I was walking in (not directly to me) but he just stole her thunder. He must not have disagreed then! Haha.
But in all honesty, that made my night.
One of the girl RAs on my floor always compliments me on my outfits and today I told her, “I love your dress!” She said to me, “I love your whole outfit… Like, every single day.”
This is not me bragging. This is me appreciating. Not just the fact that I’m getting nice compliments, but the fact that people I don’t see or talk to still acknowledge me. I guess mentally I still think I’m an invisible person, since I was a stereotypical weird tomboy introverted girl back in grade school that was obviously ignored for the most part. Especially by girls. Logically I know that I’m not invisible. I’m tall, my clothing stands out, I wear heels every day and, well, I’m considered pleasant to look at. So I can’t be. But I still feel like I am.
And I don’t even mean that in a depressed sort of way that people usually suggest. Because I don’t want to be invisible, generally. I wish I had certain extroverted qualities. I guess I’m just used to not being noticed. I would think most quiet people tend to feel the same way. But obviously it’s a big confidence booster when someone deliberately shows me that I’m not actually invisible.
More logical fallacies for your viewing pleasure (1/2)
why the hell didn’t i have this during philosophy ;____________;
depression can actually be a symptom of ADHD. I was treated ineffectively for depression for 3 years before I demanded I be tested for ADHD. Turns out I had it; started getting treated and it was amazing.
Mental illness is generally a tangled mess of things. It just makes me feel a lot better, though, to hear all these people sharing their positive experiences with ADHD treatment. Gives me hope. And anticipation for my next psychiatrist appointment, haha.
gif 1, explosive polymerization of p Nitro Aniline Video
gif 2, Sodium Polyacrylate mixed with water Video
gif 3, Sodium Acetate Video
gif 4, the smoke is vaporized wax, can still catch fire and travels back to the wick Video
gif 5, Ping Pong balls + Liquid Nitrogen in a trash can Video
gif 6, electrical treeing Video
gif 7, heating Mercury Thiocyanate
gif 8, ferrofluid sculpture Video
gif 9, flammable gas lit in a glass jar Video
This is why I’m in sciences.
Oh yeah. Mercury thiocyanate and ferrofluids. Crazy shit. Go chemistry!
engrphtgpr answered: You said that your ADHD symptoms just popped up in time for finals—ADHD is constant and is something that would have affected you daily.
Yes. You’re correct. Except what you don’t know (I guess you didn’t read previous posts of mine) is that I am on welbutrin for depression, which also works for ADHD. I forgot to take it a few days in a row, so symptoms popped up. Well… More severe symptoms than usual. That’s why it’s overwhelming and crazy. I could be on a higher dose. But it may not even be the correct medication I would need for ADHD anyways. My psychiatrist just put me on that anti-depressant because it also helps with ADHD… He didn’t officially diagnose me, he just kinda wanted to experiment and see if it helped. It sorta did?
I’m not stupid. And this isn’t hypochondria, because I wasn’t the one who suggested I have ADHD in the first place. It was a psychologist. It’s not uncommon to have ADHD when you already have BPD, depression, and anxiety. It’s tough to treat when you have all four at once, though. Which is why I have such difficulty with it in between appointments.
But I’m afraid to ask my teachers for help or talk to them because I feel as though they’ll think I’m just a procrastinator. Finishing that article I just posted about really did make me cry. Because my life quality is actually very shitty, so now that I’m starting to lose function in college, that’s really concerning. Last semester I had a 3.95 GPA. I got one A-. This semester I’m not even confident I’ll be getting an A in any of my classes. A-s, yeah, but… Maybe even B+s. I don’t actually know. But it scares me a lot. Because for chemistry…
If I get a 93+ on my chem final I get an A- in the class. If I don’t I get a D. I’m not even bad at chem. I’m really good at chem. And my chem teacher is perplexed because I had her last semester and got easy As on everything. This semester isn’t even that difficult. It’s harder than last semester by a little, content-wise. But I took AP chem and got an A in that class, even though (due to a lot of sick absences… months…) I got a 2 on the AP. Chem is not hard, I just need to sit down with it. The thing is, though, we only covered 6 chapters last semester and 10 this semester. Yeah. And I had 6 more credits. Yeah. And I got a load of extra hours for work. Yeah.
I just really don’t want this semester to be a total disaster. I don’t know if I’m being too hopeful and oblivious or if I’m actually seeing it as it is. I just can’t afford to have my transcript ruined and have that severely impact my chances of med school. All because of ADHD that has yet to be properly recognized and managed.
What do I do?
My counselor/psychologist suggested to me I do, but I haven’t gotten an actual evaluation from a psychiatrist or anything. But I seriously need to. What have I been doing the past couple of days? Looking for shoes on the internet. Not studying for finals. I know I need to. And I want to. But for some reason I just can’t get myself to do it. I feel as though my mind is in a haze of sorts and I’m running on autopilot.
These symptoms really could have come up at a better time. You know, like NOT right before finals. Or not at all. I just can’t wait until my next psychiatrist appointment so I can hopefully get some resolve.
The worst part is that I don’t have a lot of support in “the real world” to cope with it. Drew, because he deals with children at work and has to learn about disabilities in education classes, doesn’t consider ADHD a legitimate problem and thinks that “everyone has it, really”. He’s stubborn. And he likes to deny that I have BPD, also. I don’t think it has anything to do with not supporting me. He’s just in denial.
I was looking up something while writing this… (Yes… more evidence… hence distractibility…) And I came across an article called ADHD: Why More Adults Are Being Diagnosed from The Wallstreet Journal. (Which took too long to read because of distraction… I’m actually not even done…) Reading some of it made me tear up a little, because it makes me think about how paralyzing this condition will be if I can’t get it managed properly. Especially because I also have BPD, depression, and anxiety, which tangle together with ADHD and makes it harder to recognize and treat.
I just… I wanna give up so badly. I just can’t deal with this. Not right now.
Emotional numbness is where we experience mild to severe feelings of detachment – so it’s hard for us to access normal feelings any more. This includes both negative and positive emotions as you can’t decide to shut just one feeling off. Common causes of emotional numbness include different stresses or traumas … from receiving bad news … to being in an accident … to recovering from the death of someone close … to a relationship breakup … to feeling deeply humiliated or ashamed.
So how do you overcome emotional numbness and live with emotional integrity again?
1. The first thing to do is to choose to respect and allow all emotions – no matter what they are. Also, try and grasp the fact that suppressing your emotions will likely lead to heartache and problems later on (as they’ll possibly resurface at inappropriate times.)
2. Try and understand that feelings and actions are two very different, and unrelated, things. That is, you can still feel angry without becoming violent – so don’t assume your feelings will affect your actions, too.
3. Try to figure out the message behind intense emotions. Are you angry because you’ve been hurt, used or abused? Are you sad because deep down you feel that you’ll never find true love - as you can’t believe that anyone will love you for yourself?
4. Take that risk – and find the courage to ask someone for help. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know that there are those who genuinely love you like – like a true and caring friend. The important thing is not to try and isolate yourself, and to make the extra effort to prioritise self-care. You need other people to help you work through this.
5. Seek professional help if the symptoms persist. There are excellent counsellors and therapists out there who have the training and skills to help you to get free – so you can live a more fulfilling and normal, healthy life.
6. Be patient within yourself. It’s likely to take time – as you will need to learn to trust, and take some barriers down, so you can be yourself again (and that is often hard to do when you’ve experience hurt and pain).
alicegoesinwonderland replied to your photo: Oh… I guess it’s time these adorable little shoes…
You can get them fixed for pretty cheap… I got mine for the same thing and it did cost me £4
I might consider it. Those shoes are 4+ years old and the wedge is a bit torn up. So I’m not sure if it would be worth it. But I’ll have to do that for my boots, for sure… Those are fairly new and not torn up haha.